When do I tell him I have a chronic illness?

A young lady asked me to get other lupie opinions regarding the right time to tell a new love interest about your chronic illness.  Well, everyone who responded pretty much said the same thing in some way or another.  The overwhelming response was "when you feel comfortable".  This is also my advice.  If you feel comfortable telling them on the first date then go for it, but if not just hold off until you do.  I also think that it is better to let them know as soon as possible.  One of the respondents also mentioned that you can weed out a certain type of guy (or girl) by being upfront in the beginning.  Some people will run as fast as they can.  Well, if they do then it is good that you got rid of them early, because you will eventually need his help and he probably won't give you the support that you need.  
I understand if you feel apprehensive about letting people in too early.  It is natural, but you may eventually become more comfortable with sharing your situation with people, even someone that you just began courting.  No one can tell you when YOU should share your health condition, only you can determine that.  If it takes too long for you to feel comfortable with a certain person then they are probably not the right person for you.  
I personally feel relieved when I share my condition, I feel a load off of my shoulders.  I can also tell a great deal about a person and/or how they feel about me by their reaction.  Having a chronic illness is a sort of blessing when it comes to relationships, because you really find out who really loves and will do anything for you right from the start.


With Love,

8 comments:

Kristin said...

I let them know right from the beginning. I do not have time to waste!

Anonymous said...

For me it is at once. If they don't want to know me then i don,t want to know them.The world is full of billions of people surely... no need to stutter when there is a sea full of beautiful fishes.truue!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post. I'm 26 years old and I've shared my condition of Lupus with love interests immediately and have waited months. My sister once told me they should get to know me first, before getting to know Karin with Lupus. I have found I like to share when I think there's potential. When you have a chronic illness it becomes part of you. When they're learning about your family, friends, etc., then they can also learn more about you personally, including health. Just a few cents. This question is something I've been struggling with for two years since I've gotten Lupus.

Dr. Ordon plastic surgeon said...

I think it is best to declare it at the beginning.If he/she runs away...was never for you and never came to love and if stay would never leave again.

Jamie said...

I tell people as soon as they ask me what's wrong. Where's the sense in holding back? I didn't get this way on my own, I can't pass what I have on to a living person. If they want to shy away from me because of this, it's their loss. Not mine.

Jordasche Kingston said...

I think a person should tell the other person asap, but only when they feel comfortable. If the person acts like an ass of some sort, know you didn't need them in your life anyway. Keep those close to you close and get rid of the rest.

misstorilynn said...

I also just posed this question on my blog...feel free to comment.

allowmetoshare.blogspot.com

Petula said...

I suffer from sjogren's, which when combined with my other invisible illnesses can be debilitating. I really just play it by ear. A guy who was interested in me went to my blog before we had a chance to talk about it and although I had mentioned I'll tell him more details about not drinking a lot because of meds I hadn't told him everything. So, he asked me one day over the phone could he ask me a question. His question was, "Do you have cancer?" I was honest, "Yes." And I didn't offer the other information, which he could just read or ask about. He was still interested. It didn't work out for other reasons, but I haven't experienced anything negative from men finding out about my illnesses.

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