When do I tell him I have a chronic illness?

A young lady asked me to get other lupie opinions regarding the right time to tell a new love interest about your chronic illness.  Well, everyone who responded pretty much said the same thing in some way or another.  The overwhelming response was "when you feel comfortable".  This is also my advice.  If you feel comfortable telling them on the first date then go for it, but if not just hold off until you do.  I also think that it is better to let them know as soon as possible.  One of the respondents also mentioned that you can weed out a certain type of guy (or girl) by being upfront in the beginning.  Some people will run as fast as they can.  Well, if they do then it is good that you got rid of them early, because you will eventually need his help and he probably won't give you the support that you need.  
I understand if you feel apprehensive about letting people in too early.  It is natural, but you may eventually become more comfortable with sharing your situation with people, even someone that you just began courting.  No one can tell you when YOU should share your health condition, only you can determine that.  If it takes too long for you to feel comfortable with a certain person then they are probably not the right person for you.  
I personally feel relieved when I share my condition, I feel a load off of my shoulders.  I can also tell a great deal about a person and/or how they feel about me by their reaction.  Having a chronic illness is a sort of blessing when it comes to relationships, because you really find out who really loves and will do anything for you right from the start.


With Love,

What's Love Got To Do With It??

Sex and Love.  How does your condition affect those aspects of your life?  Well, Lupus and other auto-immune diseases definitely have a significant impact.  Tiredness and pain is common for many Lupus patients.  This can affect our relationships with the people in our lives.  Romantic relationships being the most involved, are the most affected by these conditions.  


Our romantic relationships are sometimes strained when we can not do all of the things we want and need to do for our significant other.  Lupus can affect our behavior and appearance.  Some of us may be sensitive to these changes and feel that our partner doesn't understand.  The most important thing to do in this situation is to communicate effectively.  Make sure your partner knows and understands how you feel physically and emotionally.  You should also know exactly how your partner feels as well. I had trouble with the communication thing at first.  I have always been a very private person, so expressing those feelings even to someone I care about was difficult.  I didn't want to be a burden, or make anyone worry, let alone my partner.  I eventually learned that expressing my feelings and condition would make me feel better, as well as my partner.  Talking it out is helpful. 


Your sex life and closeness in the relationship can also be affected. Physically you may have pain and fatigue that can prevent you from enjoying lovemaking.  You should try to reduce pain with painkillers, warm baths, massage and other various relaxation techniques.  In order to counter fatigue you should make love at the time of day that you feel the least tired.  For example, if you feel exhausted at night, you should make love in the morning or afternoon.  Again, you have to communicate.  If you do not feel like or do not want to make love, then let your partner know and also explain why.  If they love you, then they will understand.  If not, then tell them to hit the road, because they don't deserve you!!!  


Remember that being close to someone in their arms can also be a loving experience! And it will sometimes be more comfortable for you.  Take care of yourself and express how you feel.  It will make life much easier.


With Love ❤